Monday, March 24, 2014

A Comedy of Evening Events

For approximately one hour, it is a pure comedy of events in my home. Things go from happy and content at 5:44pm, to pure pandemonium at 5:45pm.

--And scene--

Simultaneously, both children have entered into the depths of starvation and sheer exhaustion, with no forewarning. Mother springs to action. Child A is scrambled into booster chair, Child B is picked up and held by Mother, who then magically produces a meal, with one hand, in under 3 minutes. Child A has suddenly exited starvation mode and has entered elephant-toy-banging-on-tray mode. Child B cries and is not impressed. Mother reminds Child A the rule about no hands in milk. Child A remembers. Child B does not care about said rule and cries. Mother takes Child B upstairs, reiterating rule loudly over roar of bath tub filling. Child A remembers again. Child B is undressed and de-diapered. Child B is instantly full of joy. Child B coos for bathtime. Mother adores after Child B's coos. From downstairs, Child A interrupts loudly and desperately in conflicted tones about needing to poopie on the potty. Mother cries out consoling words, including, but not limited to, "hold it", "one minute", "three whole M&Ms".  Child B is given the once over in .34 seconds. Child B feels jaded. Child B is gently set aside. Mother bounds downstairs. Child A is rushed, bib on, to seat. Child A sits. Alas, false alarm. Upstairs, Child B is not dry, chilly and telling the whole house about short baths, while lying on damp towel in parental units' bed. Child A is returned and buckled back in booster seat. Mother offers more consoling words, including, "almost done", "one minute", "finish please" , "spoon, not hand." Mother hastens upstairs. Protesting Child B is toweled off, lotioned and pajama-ed. Child A announces her completion of meal. Mother and Child B go downstairs. Mother holds grudge-bearing Child B, and scoops up Child A, carrying both upstairs. Child A states, "Two babies!!" Child B is placed back on parental unit's bed. Child B does not find this amusing. Child A attempts (to no avail) a second poopie, is de-clothed, and placed in tub. Wailing Child B is plucked from the misery of soft, cushiony bed. Child B is nursed. During nursing session in Child B's room, Mother frequently asks Child A random questions. Child A responds. This dialogue helps Mother to know Child A is not drowning. Child A has another poopie panic. Child B, halfway through dinner, is laid in bassinet, exuberantly upset about stopping, mid meal. Child A is unsuccessful, and placed back into the tub. Child B finishes nursing, is rocked, swaddled and put down for bed. Child B is too tired to object and flutters eye lids close. Mother tip toes out of room, avoids squeaky sections and silently shuts door. Child A gets hair washed, bath toys away, dried off, teeth brushed, ears q-tipped, jammies on, hair detangled, books read, glow worm charged, lights off, sound machine on, songs sung, prayers prayed, good nighted and door closed. Child A sings off pitch version of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star through bedroom walls. Mother sighs. Mother steps lightly, avoiding creaks. 6:45. 

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